If you are reading this then it is many many years in the future and I am likely dead. If I am not dead then you are reading this note illegally and I would like it returned immediately to:
ATTN:
55555 David Duchovny Memorial Boulevard
Beautiful Hair, California
If you are reading this legitimately then it is time to make a great decision. I live in the past. A simpler time where cars don't fly and politics are, for the most part, deal with issues on the planet Earth. I assume that you are reading this in a future where these two things are no longer the case. I also assume that I have become quite famous in the time between now and the now in which you inhabit otherwise nobody would have reason to read this.
Here is my proposition: You are beautiful, medical science will likely have done away with cosmetic ugliness long ago, and I am famous and extremely intelligent. History is full of great people and their charming other halves. Before you share this note with anyone else think carefully because this is your big opportunity for a secure place in history! I imagine that using your modern time travel technology to return to a past before the invention of such mechanisms is strictly forbidden but consider the following for a moment. I come from a time where society is racked by the aches and pains of post-modernist thought. I can only assume that this has gotten much much worse in the future. By returning to the past and being my life partner you will be living in a comfortable space where you know that the problems of today will either persist and that nothing can be done about them or they will simply go away with time and need no further thought. You will live the ideal life of someone blessed with knowledge and the only immediate issues for you will be how to be as satisfied as possible!
No need to worry about conflicting suitors, I have no desire to pursue any of the ignorant people of today. As for competition from the future, should you arrive yesterday, February 13th 19XX, then this note will have never been written.
I eagerly await your arrival,
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